Hi there folks...
Its been ages since my last online confession... Hee Hee...
Believe it or not, I have actually been putting a real pen to real paper for the last couple of months, and that is why no online posts.
And today I found myself sitting in the office on this rather gloomy day thinking, hey. I should Blog.
The problem is I had nothing to say.Nothing that I would read in anyway.
But hey, 2 hours later, and I think I might just have come up with a topic that I would like to share. FRIENDSHIPS
I have been the proud owner of some really good and some really Fucked-up Friendships during my short existance.
And I find myself at major crossroads at the moment? Where are all these so called friends? Friends that I helped during hard times, friends that I laughed with and cried with?
Its funny really, I do sometimes get the odd sms saying I should register to Vote... Thx, B. It made me feel warm and fussy inside. Made me think of how I paid for you to drown your sorrows, after your GF ran of with you Best Friend. And then there is the quick email or Voice message saying we should get together - Same message for the past 2 months.
Its funny really. I mean, I am a very busy person. I practically run a company, run a household and I also have loads of hobbies and a keen interest in ALONe time. However, it doesnt seem to be such a mission taking a couple of hours to meet up with a friend. Go for Coffee, adult Bevs or Catching a movie. And for some reason, friends claim that their lives are too busy. And thats why they havent spoken to me in ages. BULLSHIT!
But, hey I am not a totally unreasonable person. I just find it amazing that their lives slow down completely to phone me up and moan about something...
Well, I hsve said no more, you see the thing is they might have found out that I am not in such s happy place had they actually bothered to keep their appt with me. Had they actually phoned back when I left a message on their phone.
And this is me, saying I dont care anymore. Phone, dont phone, SMS, dont SMS. Who gives Fuck anymore. Form now on I will embrce being a whore of friend,and if you cant give me anything then Im not interested.
MWAH!
Wednesday
Thursday
Is this it????
Is this it???
Today is Valentine’s Day and yes I am still single, although that’s not what bugging me. I have been doing some soul searching seeing as I haven’t been sleeping well at all lately.
I mean let me take me for an example. I have a good job… if you compare jobs that is (JOB meaning something I do to pay the bills) I always seem to be wearing my grin these days, mainly because it’s so much effort explaining to people why you’re not laughing or smiling. But to be honest if I did have the choice I think I would be crying my eyes out most of the time. And it’s not because I have nothing good in my life as a matter of fact I have a great family and the best friends any girl could ever ask for.
I just think of it this way that if I really had the choice to do whatever I wanted, would I be doing what I am doing now. And I fear that the more I ask myself this question the more I want to scream NOOOO!!!!
And to quote the Parlotones: “Funny face, It’s him you want but I’ll do in his place…” Is this what is happening to us? I mean I want to be an artist, I am an artist, but I have a job as a BD… Not a creative position at all, but it will do… (Note that the for now has fallen away) I would love to travel through Europe but going down to Plet will do…
Life seems to be diluted for me at this stage… I have no reason to cry, but here’s the catch do I have a reason for laughter? I don’t want to wake up at the age of 60 or 70 and ask if that was it. And it’s not just with what we all do with all our lives. This kind of mentality is seeping through to our relationships. We don’t argue for the right reasons anymore, because we just couldn’t be bothered I mean for F#@$* sake we put up with Suzies Bullshit and lies, because calling her on her shit would be non PC. So we sit in her GD conversation until the visions of slapping her unconscious consumes our very being – and for what? The fact of the matter is that it is impossible for everyone to be compatible with everyone. And it’s ok to not like someone. But because that isn’t respected, we lose respect for everyone. I have disliked many people, yet I have still managed to respect them at a distant. And it worked fine for me.
And somewhere along the line, I stopped respecting myself and gave in. I now endure endless boring conversations with people I don’t like. I do a job that I’m not particularly interested in and for what? So that I can pay my car (a car I didn’t particularly want, but needed) and my insurance on my car, so that when some idiot drives into me, I can fight with said Insurance company because they won’t pay out.
And for what??? So that I can look good to other people. It would seem that I have become a carbon copy of everyone else. "You're an original Baby, turn around and you're looking at a hundred more" Sheryl Crow
I suppose it wouldn’t be so bad if I had no talent, no ambitions, and no dreams… But I’m a picean and all I seem to have left is dreams…
Today is Valentine’s Day and yes I am still single, although that’s not what bugging me. I have been doing some soul searching seeing as I haven’t been sleeping well at all lately.
I mean let me take me for an example. I have a good job… if you compare jobs that is (JOB meaning something I do to pay the bills) I always seem to be wearing my grin these days, mainly because it’s so much effort explaining to people why you’re not laughing or smiling. But to be honest if I did have the choice I think I would be crying my eyes out most of the time. And it’s not because I have nothing good in my life as a matter of fact I have a great family and the best friends any girl could ever ask for.
I just think of it this way that if I really had the choice to do whatever I wanted, would I be doing what I am doing now. And I fear that the more I ask myself this question the more I want to scream NOOOO!!!!
And to quote the Parlotones: “Funny face, It’s him you want but I’ll do in his place…” Is this what is happening to us? I mean I want to be an artist, I am an artist, but I have a job as a BD… Not a creative position at all, but it will do… (Note that the for now has fallen away) I would love to travel through Europe but going down to Plet will do…
Life seems to be diluted for me at this stage… I have no reason to cry, but here’s the catch do I have a reason for laughter? I don’t want to wake up at the age of 60 or 70 and ask if that was it. And it’s not just with what we all do with all our lives. This kind of mentality is seeping through to our relationships. We don’t argue for the right reasons anymore, because we just couldn’t be bothered I mean for F#@$* sake we put up with Suzies Bullshit and lies, because calling her on her shit would be non PC. So we sit in her GD conversation until the visions of slapping her unconscious consumes our very being – and for what? The fact of the matter is that it is impossible for everyone to be compatible with everyone. And it’s ok to not like someone. But because that isn’t respected, we lose respect for everyone. I have disliked many people, yet I have still managed to respect them at a distant. And it worked fine for me.
And somewhere along the line, I stopped respecting myself and gave in. I now endure endless boring conversations with people I don’t like. I do a job that I’m not particularly interested in and for what? So that I can pay my car (a car I didn’t particularly want, but needed) and my insurance on my car, so that when some idiot drives into me, I can fight with said Insurance company because they won’t pay out.
And for what??? So that I can look good to other people. It would seem that I have become a carbon copy of everyone else. "You're an original Baby, turn around and you're looking at a hundred more" Sheryl Crow
I suppose it wouldn’t be so bad if I had no talent, no ambitions, and no dreams… But I’m a picean and all I seem to have left is dreams…
Tuesday
Misconception and a lifelong lesson
And then I said goodbye. And it was over just like that. Now I’m not saying that it didn’t hurt, but I was over all the fighting and the not speaking and the despising every minute of every day spent with him. I did love him dearly, but it wasn’t working! It had taken me 6 months to get to that point, and I finally did.
That was the day I realized that the person I loved more than life itself had disappeared. Now before all of you start thinking that this is a whiney blog about the man I love… hahahahaha… IT’S not. It’s been a really long time since this has passed. And well peeps, what happened is what happens with all things over time – it gets corroded. When me and the ex BF broke up. I hated his guts… he had driven me to insanity… But like I said those feelings were corroded. And I now feel nothing for him, apart from the odd, OMG, I remember that day… Kinda moment. We lost touch, mainly because we had nothing to say to one another.
And I bare him no ill will. As a matter of fact I want him to be as happy as I am sometimes… The reason for this blog is as follows. I dreamt that he died. And in my dream I was very sad which I suppose is only natural. So I woke up in a panic and decided to check if he was ok… I could have left it and waited for a phone call from his mother if he had in actual fact died. But hey, I was worried – I am human after all… so I sent him a simple text message. Saying Hi, thought about you, are you doing ok? And that was it…
Nothing threatening, nothing overly excited – I was genuinely just checking if he was ok… That’s all… And I was raised with a certain degree of decency whereas when someone displays a concern for you, you respond either with I’m fine thank you, or no I’m dead. But no, nothing… So it is safe to say that I think it’s rude… Perhaps time hasn’t corroded away any of the hate feelings that he has for me… or perhaps he is just being a brat… I suppose the fact that I have moved on and can now appreciate our relationship for what it was (and take note WAS) is somewhat quick. And in assuming that he has moved forward into a mutual respect zone is assuming too much. I just suppose that I expected more as I do with everyone.
I tend to think that people are generally good. And that they don’t mean to hurt or upset people, because I don’t mean to hurt or upset people. And when I do, I feel really bad about it.
And that is where the misconception and lifelong lesson lies… People aren’t generally good, and well sometimes they just hurt and/or upset you on principle.
That was the day I realized that the person I loved more than life itself had disappeared. Now before all of you start thinking that this is a whiney blog about the man I love… hahahahaha… IT’S not. It’s been a really long time since this has passed. And well peeps, what happened is what happens with all things over time – it gets corroded. When me and the ex BF broke up. I hated his guts… he had driven me to insanity… But like I said those feelings were corroded. And I now feel nothing for him, apart from the odd, OMG, I remember that day… Kinda moment. We lost touch, mainly because we had nothing to say to one another.
And I bare him no ill will. As a matter of fact I want him to be as happy as I am sometimes… The reason for this blog is as follows. I dreamt that he died. And in my dream I was very sad which I suppose is only natural. So I woke up in a panic and decided to check if he was ok… I could have left it and waited for a phone call from his mother if he had in actual fact died. But hey, I was worried – I am human after all… so I sent him a simple text message. Saying Hi, thought about you, are you doing ok? And that was it…
Nothing threatening, nothing overly excited – I was genuinely just checking if he was ok… That’s all… And I was raised with a certain degree of decency whereas when someone displays a concern for you, you respond either with I’m fine thank you, or no I’m dead. But no, nothing… So it is safe to say that I think it’s rude… Perhaps time hasn’t corroded away any of the hate feelings that he has for me… or perhaps he is just being a brat… I suppose the fact that I have moved on and can now appreciate our relationship for what it was (and take note WAS) is somewhat quick. And in assuming that he has moved forward into a mutual respect zone is assuming too much. I just suppose that I expected more as I do with everyone.
I tend to think that people are generally good. And that they don’t mean to hurt or upset people, because I don’t mean to hurt or upset people. And when I do, I feel really bad about it.
And that is where the misconception and lifelong lesson lies… People aren’t generally good, and well sometimes they just hurt and/or upset you on principle.
Strange
I wake every morning in a strange bed
In a strange room, I wash my face
And get dressed, to live a strange life
And as I drive down the road I see
Strange faces looking at me
Strange, strange faces looking at me
I go to bed every night in a strange bed
In a strange room, I close my eyes
And drift off to dreamland to get away from a strange life.
And as I drive down the road I see
Strange faces looking at me
Strange, strange faces looking right at me
This is not my home away from home
And this is not my little life
Yet I live it every day of my life!
And as I drive down the road I see
Strange faces looking at me
Strange familiar faces looking at me.
I scream a silent scream in a strange bed
Every night in a strange room
Just before I drift away to dreamland
To get away from a strangers life
And as I drive down the road I see
Strange faces looking right at me
Only to realize the stranger used to be me.
How can it be, how can it be?
So many wrongs, so many tears
How exactly did I create this reality?
In a strange room, I wash my face
And get dressed, to live a strange life
And as I drive down the road I see
Strange faces looking at me
Strange, strange faces looking at me
I go to bed every night in a strange bed
In a strange room, I close my eyes
And drift off to dreamland to get away from a strange life.
And as I drive down the road I see
Strange faces looking at me
Strange, strange faces looking right at me
This is not my home away from home
And this is not my little life
Yet I live it every day of my life!
And as I drive down the road I see
Strange faces looking at me
Strange familiar faces looking at me.
I scream a silent scream in a strange bed
Every night in a strange room
Just before I drift away to dreamland
To get away from a strangers life
And as I drive down the road I see
Strange faces looking right at me
Only to realize the stranger used to be me.
How can it be, how can it be?
So many wrongs, so many tears
How exactly did I create this reality?
I don’t go to sleep to dream…
Sometimes people look at me and all they see is a wishy washy day dreamer, a scattered person with no direction in her life. And I suppose it’s their right to think of me whatever they want. And I will be honest by saying that sometimes I prefer it that way. As a matter of fact the only time I don’t like it is when people don’t take me seriously for that very reason.
I pride myself in the fact that I always try and look deeper than what’s on the surface, as a matter of fact I can’t help looking deeper. So this message is one of slight anger towards people who think they are so intelligent and people who think they can possible know me.
How dare you look at me, and put me into a stereotype. All you see is a girl with long black hair and the Goth label jumps out, and your mind is fixed with some pathetic explanation of how and what gothic people are. You look at my friends and you immediately assume drug addict? When you ask me what my favourite colour is and I answer blue and it just happens to be a complete different colour to when you asked me 5 months earlier you label me liar!!! What gives you the right to look at me when I’m crying and tell me not to cry because I’m manipulating you? How dare you assume that I must be really bad with numbers just because I can paint? What gives you the right deduct that I am a rich snob, just because I choose not to mingle with you and who died gave you the right to think that I’m stupid just because I have nothing to say about your boring topic of conversation.
When did it become the norm to be such and asshole?
To all those people, this is all I have to say: Your narrow-mindedness in life will catch up with you one day, (and as Karma is the biggest bitch known) I will be there to witness how you have locked yourself into a small colour-coded box, surrounded by 50 replicates of one person representative of your whole friendship circle, doing math and wishing you were high just to escape your own reality!!
I am not perfect but I am willing to wage my mothers’ life on the fact that neither are you! I have not stopped planning my perfect life and every morning when I wake up, I am reborn. I have no hopes, and more ambitions. And yes, I have a new favourite colour!!! That’s who I am!!!! I don’t ask anyone else to change so stop putting me into a little category box!
You have so much to say about me, most of it negative, but my granddad always used to say that the tallest trees get the most wind. So sod off!!!!
I don’t go to sleep to dream!!! I live my dreams!
I pride myself in the fact that I always try and look deeper than what’s on the surface, as a matter of fact I can’t help looking deeper. So this message is one of slight anger towards people who think they are so intelligent and people who think they can possible know me.
How dare you look at me, and put me into a stereotype. All you see is a girl with long black hair and the Goth label jumps out, and your mind is fixed with some pathetic explanation of how and what gothic people are. You look at my friends and you immediately assume drug addict? When you ask me what my favourite colour is and I answer blue and it just happens to be a complete different colour to when you asked me 5 months earlier you label me liar!!! What gives you the right to look at me when I’m crying and tell me not to cry because I’m manipulating you? How dare you assume that I must be really bad with numbers just because I can paint? What gives you the right deduct that I am a rich snob, just because I choose not to mingle with you and who died gave you the right to think that I’m stupid just because I have nothing to say about your boring topic of conversation.
When did it become the norm to be such and asshole?
To all those people, this is all I have to say: Your narrow-mindedness in life will catch up with you one day, (and as Karma is the biggest bitch known) I will be there to witness how you have locked yourself into a small colour-coded box, surrounded by 50 replicates of one person representative of your whole friendship circle, doing math and wishing you were high just to escape your own reality!!
I am not perfect but I am willing to wage my mothers’ life on the fact that neither are you! I have not stopped planning my perfect life and every morning when I wake up, I am reborn. I have no hopes, and more ambitions. And yes, I have a new favourite colour!!! That’s who I am!!!! I don’t ask anyone else to change so stop putting me into a little category box!
You have so much to say about me, most of it negative, but my granddad always used to say that the tallest trees get the most wind. So sod off!!!!
I don’t go to sleep to dream!!! I live my dreams!
Friday
Chicks or Dicks? That is the question…
Now before all the perverts get excited this is only a PG 13 kinda blog.
This has to do with the different dynamics between you and your girlfriends and you and your boy friends. I just had a conversation with one of my friends, who had gotten herself into a bit of pickle…
Here’s the problem, so girl meets boy while out with all her other friends… Boy falls for girl and then all the friends disappear. Now people this happens, I mean, I’ve recycled friends for this very reason so many times, I can’t keep track of who I used to be friends with.
However as we all know relationships fizzle out, the day will come when you have very little to say to one another. And then you start looking around to see where all your friends went and realize that they are gone. And this is where the shit hits the fan… You NEED new friends and you need them rather urgently or you will commit murder or worse try to fabricate conversation with your less than perfect, boring counterpart…
So now that your friends have left and you have no one to talk to or more importantly get drunk with. You start doing stupid things like latch on to the employee everyone has learnt to avoid. It starts all innocently and you just invite her to a braai (I call that the pity Invite) and it all snowballs from there, suddenly she is going on holiday with you, and she is going in her terms…
Now although you don’t have much to say to your BF that still doesn’t give her the right to tart herself out to him, or to display general slag characteristics around you. But alas that is exactly what happens. So now you have to choose chicks or Dicks?
Now ladies, take some advice from me, and never ever form “Desperation Friendships” they’re dangerous, and these people are usually leaches!!!! Friendship is like every other thing in life, and this is how you should weigh it up. If it (whatever IT might be) doesn’t add to life positively then chuck it, you will be wasting your time, money and energy, and you might even be wasting your tears. And I am off the opinion that tears should be saved for special occasions only, like the birth of your child or the day your daughter gets married.
And that is all I have to say on the subject.
This has to do with the different dynamics between you and your girlfriends and you and your boy friends. I just had a conversation with one of my friends, who had gotten herself into a bit of pickle…
Here’s the problem, so girl meets boy while out with all her other friends… Boy falls for girl and then all the friends disappear. Now people this happens, I mean, I’ve recycled friends for this very reason so many times, I can’t keep track of who I used to be friends with.
However as we all know relationships fizzle out, the day will come when you have very little to say to one another. And then you start looking around to see where all your friends went and realize that they are gone. And this is where the shit hits the fan… You NEED new friends and you need them rather urgently or you will commit murder or worse try to fabricate conversation with your less than perfect, boring counterpart…
So now that your friends have left and you have no one to talk to or more importantly get drunk with. You start doing stupid things like latch on to the employee everyone has learnt to avoid. It starts all innocently and you just invite her to a braai (I call that the pity Invite) and it all snowballs from there, suddenly she is going on holiday with you, and she is going in her terms…
Now although you don’t have much to say to your BF that still doesn’t give her the right to tart herself out to him, or to display general slag characteristics around you. But alas that is exactly what happens. So now you have to choose chicks or Dicks?
Now ladies, take some advice from me, and never ever form “Desperation Friendships” they’re dangerous, and these people are usually leaches!!!! Friendship is like every other thing in life, and this is how you should weigh it up. If it (whatever IT might be) doesn’t add to life positively then chuck it, you will be wasting your time, money and energy, and you might even be wasting your tears. And I am off the opinion that tears should be saved for special occasions only, like the birth of your child or the day your daughter gets married.
And that is all I have to say on the subject.
Compliments to SA MUSIC!!!!!
Ok, so the very select few who know me in person will know that I love music. Now people in saying that I realize that there are very few people out there that take the stance that they hate music… But I love music. I think that if I wasn’t also a talented sports person, music studies would have taken a preference. And in my defense I can also add that I only date musicians.
Now, my favourite bands include the brilliant Pearl Jam, Collective Soul, Radiohead and Tool amongst others. And I am very selective when it comes to selecting CD’s. I would however like to say that I think SA music has outperformed the International performers as of late. I mean OMG… It blows my mind how talented these people are. I must admit that after Fetish broke up and moved away, I thought we were all doomed. And it’s needless to say that it’s not like my favourite bands come to Sunny SA often and I was dreading nights at home with the light off and the CD player on full volume pretending to be at one of their concerts.
I am glad to announce that with likes of Parlotones, Josie Field( whom I joined at the Radium on Sat) Prime Circle, Niemand, Wonderboom, Louise Carver and Harris Tweed I will no longer have to annoy my neighbours with my loud music.
Seriously people, I am in awe, I am dumbstruck. These people are amazing!!! They are competing in an international arena! Like I said I went to the Radium Beer Hall on Sat to support Josie. And this girl is amazing. Her voice range is incredible and well her stage presence is absolutely towering! I am a fan.
I really think that SA peeps can really get behind their own homegrown bands and start supporting these people!!!!!
Anyways, Thanx to Josie Field for a brilliant CD and the nice note on the one I bought! Looking to catch you again soon!!!
Now, my favourite bands include the brilliant Pearl Jam, Collective Soul, Radiohead and Tool amongst others. And I am very selective when it comes to selecting CD’s. I would however like to say that I think SA music has outperformed the International performers as of late. I mean OMG… It blows my mind how talented these people are. I must admit that after Fetish broke up and moved away, I thought we were all doomed. And it’s needless to say that it’s not like my favourite bands come to Sunny SA often and I was dreading nights at home with the light off and the CD player on full volume pretending to be at one of their concerts.
I am glad to announce that with likes of Parlotones, Josie Field( whom I joined at the Radium on Sat) Prime Circle, Niemand, Wonderboom, Louise Carver and Harris Tweed I will no longer have to annoy my neighbours with my loud music.
Seriously people, I am in awe, I am dumbstruck. These people are amazing!!! They are competing in an international arena! Like I said I went to the Radium Beer Hall on Sat to support Josie. And this girl is amazing. Her voice range is incredible and well her stage presence is absolutely towering! I am a fan.
I really think that SA peeps can really get behind their own homegrown bands and start supporting these people!!!!!
Anyways, Thanx to Josie Field for a brilliant CD and the nice note on the one I bought! Looking to catch you again soon!!!
Taking Time...
Taking time after a long relationship is always advised, well after you’ve taken the time to have a rebound relationship that is. But how the time should be spent or how long it should last is always debatable.
There are chicks out there that only need about three weeks to get over the only man they’ll ever love – and then looky there, they meet another man - the only one they’ll ever love.
That seems to be the trend these days, especially in young woman. They’re all looking to get hitched, and as soon as possible too! They don’t care how it looks, what it does, or how it makes her feel they just want marry it. It can treat her like shit, cheat on her and display general dickhead characteristics and yet the second it proposes all is well with the world.
In todays society young woman are expected to have a career, and want to develop it to its full potential, be feminine yet tough, know exactly what she wants out of life and yes – still wanna get married and have babies. A while ago I was having an interesting conversation with an acquaintance of mine regarding this very subject, and she commented that its every little girls dream to dress up in a white dress and get married.
Now this got me thinking, seeing as it really wasn’t one of my little fantasies while growing up. I never sat day dreaming about the day I would say YES!
Yes, I will honour and obey in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer – BLAH BLAH BLAH… I always imagined myself in my own house, with a little gold fish named Marvin sipping some delicious vino, while reading a good book or finishing off a painting. Me not the fish…
I am of the opinion that although girls of today are raised to want a career, they still dress us only in pink and give us dolls and strollers to play with while the boys get Lego and remote control cars. I think that in itself is meant to teach us how to be the one that takes care of the kids.
Which brings me back to my original point; I am of that age now, when everybody wants to know when I’m getting a boyfriend, or when I’m getting married? When people ask me whether I have a special someone and I answer no, they get that sad look on they’re faces.
I am the first to admit that I have some issues to sort out, and well let’s just say that my time after the rebound boyfriend is going on its 3rd year. But for Bob’s sake people I’ve gotten this far in my life without a BF holding my hand. I have loved someone enough to make me cry and I’m sure he won’t be the last. But since when has it become a sin to single?
Who decided this? Please ladies…
There are chicks out there that only need about three weeks to get over the only man they’ll ever love – and then looky there, they meet another man - the only one they’ll ever love.
That seems to be the trend these days, especially in young woman. They’re all looking to get hitched, and as soon as possible too! They don’t care how it looks, what it does, or how it makes her feel they just want marry it. It can treat her like shit, cheat on her and display general dickhead characteristics and yet the second it proposes all is well with the world.
In todays society young woman are expected to have a career, and want to develop it to its full potential, be feminine yet tough, know exactly what she wants out of life and yes – still wanna get married and have babies. A while ago I was having an interesting conversation with an acquaintance of mine regarding this very subject, and she commented that its every little girls dream to dress up in a white dress and get married.
Now this got me thinking, seeing as it really wasn’t one of my little fantasies while growing up. I never sat day dreaming about the day I would say YES!
Yes, I will honour and obey in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer – BLAH BLAH BLAH… I always imagined myself in my own house, with a little gold fish named Marvin sipping some delicious vino, while reading a good book or finishing off a painting. Me not the fish…
I am of the opinion that although girls of today are raised to want a career, they still dress us only in pink and give us dolls and strollers to play with while the boys get Lego and remote control cars. I think that in itself is meant to teach us how to be the one that takes care of the kids.
Which brings me back to my original point; I am of that age now, when everybody wants to know when I’m getting a boyfriend, or when I’m getting married? When people ask me whether I have a special someone and I answer no, they get that sad look on they’re faces.
I am the first to admit that I have some issues to sort out, and well let’s just say that my time after the rebound boyfriend is going on its 3rd year. But for Bob’s sake people I’ve gotten this far in my life without a BF holding my hand. I have loved someone enough to make me cry and I’m sure he won’t be the last. But since when has it become a sin to single?
Who decided this? Please ladies…
Senseless Violence
I watched the Carte Blanche special the other night (26 September 2007) about all the violent crimes and senseless murders in our country. And it shocked me to my core. The Directors comments afterwards really got me thinking.
What he basically said was the following: South Africans have a tendency to only care when it hits home. When it happens to your brother, sister or other family member. We have become so numb when it comes to violence that unless it happens to someone we care about, then we don’t even bat an eyelid.
When did all this happen, when did we lose all respect for life in general?
I like to think of myself as a very caring person – It really gets to be me to see that in last year alone we had over 17 000 murders in our little country. Although, doesn’t that sound rather impersonal when we put it like that. 17 000 murders – It de humanizes it! Now I’m sorry, but shouldn’t we rather be saying that someone’s grandmother died, or that a 4 year olds mom was raped and murdered - for the one ring she had on her finger – that wasn’t worth much to begin with.
Shouldn’t we be saying that a person, who meant just as much to someone else as my mom to me, was shot!! We live in a beautiful country with so much potential. We are a great nation, with so much to offer ourselves and the world, but I look around me and all I see is hatred and prejudice.
People living in fear, to scared to buy something because tomorrow it will be stolen. And when you are hijacked or tied up on the bed while they ransack your house, all we say is at least they didn’t kill you!!
That is such a bullshit remark, ‘at least they didn’t kill you’. What people don’t understand is that the more the criminals get to do that, the more they do Kill you, they murder your confidence, they murder your ability to trust and respect other people, they murder your future dreams to perhaps bring kids into this world.
People, I think we should stop avoiding the situation and start talking about it, stop pointing fingers to apartheid and stop thinking that criminals are defined by their skin colour! Stop pointing the finger and take an active stand! If we need to educate more, then we need educate more, if we need to create more safe havens for kids to grow up in to keep them out of the hands of gangsters, murderers or rapists then that is what we need to do.
What he basically said was the following: South Africans have a tendency to only care when it hits home. When it happens to your brother, sister or other family member. We have become so numb when it comes to violence that unless it happens to someone we care about, then we don’t even bat an eyelid.
When did all this happen, when did we lose all respect for life in general?
I like to think of myself as a very caring person – It really gets to be me to see that in last year alone we had over 17 000 murders in our little country. Although, doesn’t that sound rather impersonal when we put it like that. 17 000 murders – It de humanizes it! Now I’m sorry, but shouldn’t we rather be saying that someone’s grandmother died, or that a 4 year olds mom was raped and murdered - for the one ring she had on her finger – that wasn’t worth much to begin with.
Shouldn’t we be saying that a person, who meant just as much to someone else as my mom to me, was shot!! We live in a beautiful country with so much potential. We are a great nation, with so much to offer ourselves and the world, but I look around me and all I see is hatred and prejudice.
People living in fear, to scared to buy something because tomorrow it will be stolen. And when you are hijacked or tied up on the bed while they ransack your house, all we say is at least they didn’t kill you!!
That is such a bullshit remark, ‘at least they didn’t kill you’. What people don’t understand is that the more the criminals get to do that, the more they do Kill you, they murder your confidence, they murder your ability to trust and respect other people, they murder your future dreams to perhaps bring kids into this world.
People, I think we should stop avoiding the situation and start talking about it, stop pointing fingers to apartheid and stop thinking that criminals are defined by their skin colour! Stop pointing the finger and take an active stand! If we need to educate more, then we need educate more, if we need to create more safe havens for kids to grow up in to keep them out of the hands of gangsters, murderers or rapists then that is what we need to do.
Tuesday
Sold my past...
I recently got wind of something absolutely terrible. Time Out in Greenside has been sold!!! This really sent a shiver down my spine.
I used to frequent the place rather often seeing as I studied just up the road. I remember rocking up there just as they opened and I would be their only customer for about 3 hours every morning. I made friends with all the waitresses, and had some really fun conversations in that little Bistro.
So it stands to reason that I would be absolutely shocked to hear that the owners G & G had gone and sold the place. Just like that!! It kinda got me thinking and well what I came up with wasn’t pleasant at all.
How easy it is for us to lose ourselves in days, I remember vividly finishing off a painting in Time-Out just before deadline. The day that Greensides’ very own sad accident guy (can’t remember his name) started talking to the tree and then offered me a siggie - when the tree declined of course. Sitting there with my big Chinese friend John, talking crazy and drinking vodka orange juice at 11am during our lunch break.
How I used to sit and chat to Rasta dude – who by the way was one of the most talented graffiti artists ever. And this all happened 6 years ago. How sick is that? I’ve always meant to go back there and visit the place, and take some new friends, but I never really had the time. So I never did. And now it would seem that it’s too late.
Time flies, and heals all wounds, well I disagree I say that it wounds all heals. Time goes by so quickly and it doesn’t wait for you to do the things you really still mean or want to do. Now the problem and the justification for my statement is the following:
Let’s say you did all these great things and you really laughed until you cried. And you fought with such passion. And as the years went by you became more and more submissive. You stopped going to the zoo, and you just couldn’t be bothered to take a walk and breathe life in.
And bit by bit people are selling of your past and getting rid of your memories, and you never bothered to laugh until you cried or fight with such passion again. What then, you can’t go and tell someone that you love them so much it hurts… it just doesn’t have the same effect if you say that you LOVED them so much it hurt. And that hurts.
I used to frequent the place rather often seeing as I studied just up the road. I remember rocking up there just as they opened and I would be their only customer for about 3 hours every morning. I made friends with all the waitresses, and had some really fun conversations in that little Bistro.
So it stands to reason that I would be absolutely shocked to hear that the owners G & G had gone and sold the place. Just like that!! It kinda got me thinking and well what I came up with wasn’t pleasant at all.
How easy it is for us to lose ourselves in days, I remember vividly finishing off a painting in Time-Out just before deadline. The day that Greensides’ very own sad accident guy (can’t remember his name) started talking to the tree and then offered me a siggie - when the tree declined of course. Sitting there with my big Chinese friend John, talking crazy and drinking vodka orange juice at 11am during our lunch break.
How I used to sit and chat to Rasta dude – who by the way was one of the most talented graffiti artists ever. And this all happened 6 years ago. How sick is that? I’ve always meant to go back there and visit the place, and take some new friends, but I never really had the time. So I never did. And now it would seem that it’s too late.
Time flies, and heals all wounds, well I disagree I say that it wounds all heals. Time goes by so quickly and it doesn’t wait for you to do the things you really still mean or want to do. Now the problem and the justification for my statement is the following:
Let’s say you did all these great things and you really laughed until you cried. And you fought with such passion. And as the years went by you became more and more submissive. You stopped going to the zoo, and you just couldn’t be bothered to take a walk and breathe life in.
And bit by bit people are selling of your past and getting rid of your memories, and you never bothered to laugh until you cried or fight with such passion again. What then, you can’t go and tell someone that you love them so much it hurts… it just doesn’t have the same effect if you say that you LOVED them so much it hurt. And that hurts.
Friday
Out with the old and in with the new!
I used to think that living by that phrase is so cruel. We should value tradition and hold on to the old and stick things through. However, I can safely say that I have changed my mind. Why stick with something that has stopped giving you joy a really long time ago?
I can’t understand that kind of thought pattern. I mean you stick to what you’re used to. Even when what you’re used might be a load of crap. People stay in the same neighborhood for years and years although they’ve been burgled on average 9 times a year. But move – NEVER.
Woman and men stay in the same boring unfulfilling relationship until their souls die. But breakup – NEVER.
I love change and the inspiration behind this blog: My new Samsung SHG-U700. Ok, so going from Nokia to any other phone is major. I mean you get used to a certain flow on your cell phone. Driving on the Highway at 140km’s an hour and still being able to text your mate is a real achievement. And then well the thought of not having the same flow scares the shit outta you. I say no more. I refuse to be trapped in or with something that I don’t want.
If I hadn’t decided to take the plunge and move to a Samsung phone, I never would have understood the joys that the unknown can give. Hehehe, ok so that’s a tad dramatic. But seriously, I say thank you to Nokia for thinking that they have no need to up their game in the cell phone market and for sticking to the same ol’ same!!
Ciao!!
I can’t understand that kind of thought pattern. I mean you stick to what you’re used to. Even when what you’re used might be a load of crap. People stay in the same neighborhood for years and years although they’ve been burgled on average 9 times a year. But move – NEVER.
Woman and men stay in the same boring unfulfilling relationship until their souls die. But breakup – NEVER.
I love change and the inspiration behind this blog: My new Samsung SHG-U700. Ok, so going from Nokia to any other phone is major. I mean you get used to a certain flow on your cell phone. Driving on the Highway at 140km’s an hour and still being able to text your mate is a real achievement. And then well the thought of not having the same flow scares the shit outta you. I say no more. I refuse to be trapped in or with something that I don’t want.
If I hadn’t decided to take the plunge and move to a Samsung phone, I never would have understood the joys that the unknown can give. Hehehe, ok so that’s a tad dramatic. But seriously, I say thank you to Nokia for thinking that they have no need to up their game in the cell phone market and for sticking to the same ol’ same!!
Ciao!!
Tuesday
Saying goodbye
Saying goodbye is never an easy thing to, especially when you’ve had such a strong connection to somebody or something. However one can find oneself in a situation where not saying goodbye could mean the end of your individuality.
I recently had a tarot card reading done, and it revealed something rather interesting – I am learning to be my own mother. In other words, I am learning when to say no, because something isn’t good for me. Now for those who know me (and hopefully love me) that isn’t something I would normally do.
I mean in the past my motto was, is it good for me – No. Will it be fun – Ok let’s do it. This however has taught me some invaluable lessons, lessons that I will carry with me for life, some in the form of physical scars and some in the form of mental scars. The point is the damage was done!
And apparently I am now learning to think beyond the fun factor and look at the bigger picture. The problem that I have with that is that I seem to have gathered a group of people around me that only know me in a certain way, and that cause a problem. No one wants to be rejected by their friends or family but it stands to reason that they grouped themselves with you because they saw something in you that they themselves could use or learn from. So when you change from being the wild, throw caution to the wind kind a girl, into the I have to be home by 11 to get my 8 hours of sleep, people tend to feel like they don’t know you.
And it is of my opinion that when that happens you should cut cords and move on. And that isn’t always the easiest thing to do, as I’m sure most of you reading this will be able to testify to. So how exactly are you supposed to do that? Do you just walk away or have the cheese and Wine discussion – It’s not you it’s me? I personally believe that, that is the cowards way to do things and that when one decides to leave someone in the past that you should have the balls to face the bull head on and say I can’t have you in my life anymore. Easier said than done. Trust me I know, I usually just change my number, move to another house and duck behind something when you see that person.
BUT, and this is a big but, what if mentally you didn’t say goodbye.
I recently had a tarot card reading done, and it revealed something rather interesting – I am learning to be my own mother. In other words, I am learning when to say no, because something isn’t good for me. Now for those who know me (and hopefully love me) that isn’t something I would normally do.
I mean in the past my motto was, is it good for me – No. Will it be fun – Ok let’s do it. This however has taught me some invaluable lessons, lessons that I will carry with me for life, some in the form of physical scars and some in the form of mental scars. The point is the damage was done!
And apparently I am now learning to think beyond the fun factor and look at the bigger picture. The problem that I have with that is that I seem to have gathered a group of people around me that only know me in a certain way, and that cause a problem. No one wants to be rejected by their friends or family but it stands to reason that they grouped themselves with you because they saw something in you that they themselves could use or learn from. So when you change from being the wild, throw caution to the wind kind a girl, into the I have to be home by 11 to get my 8 hours of sleep, people tend to feel like they don’t know you.
And it is of my opinion that when that happens you should cut cords and move on. And that isn’t always the easiest thing to do, as I’m sure most of you reading this will be able to testify to. So how exactly are you supposed to do that? Do you just walk away or have the cheese and Wine discussion – It’s not you it’s me? I personally believe that, that is the cowards way to do things and that when one decides to leave someone in the past that you should have the balls to face the bull head on and say I can’t have you in my life anymore. Easier said than done. Trust me I know, I usually just change my number, move to another house and duck behind something when you see that person.
BUT, and this is a big but, what if mentally you didn’t say goodbye.
Friday
HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13th.
The dreaded day, the day where everything will go wrong, you will forget to put your bra on, and then wear a white shirt. And just as you’re about to enter your OPEN PLAN office, someone inexplicably throws a bucket of water in your direction and completely drenches you from head to toe. And what do you know, as you look up your director is standing there looking at you like you’re a 20$ hooker prowling for some clients…
Well people, I say Fuck it!! Its just another day, as a matter of fact I woke up this morning in a brilliant mood, Traffic was great. I’m not having a bad hair, wardrobe or make-up day!! My serotonin levels are sky high and it would seem that people love me more than usual today… hahahaha
No seriously, I am having a fan f#cking tabulas day and if anyone tries to bring me down I will MSN SLAP them!!!
So I leave you with a thought!!!
PS, C ya’ll at Qba lata, and remember wear you’re A game!
Wednesday
Facebook…
So this has been something that has been weighing heavily on my heart for quite awhile now…
I hate facebook!!!! I think it’s absolutely terrible! It’s online dating pretending to a reunion site. And I’ve tried getting into this whole new craze that has all my friends hooked, but alas, I find no joy in it. Yes a couple of people have found me, and I’ve found a couple of people – however I still have nothing to say to them, I mean what can you possible say to someone that you haven’t spoken to in 7 years. You stopped calling them for a reason remember.
The only facebook does for me is it actually takes the need to phone a friend to find out how they are doing away mainly because you can just log in and check their status. And while you’re there, check out what movies they’ve seen, what they thought of them what they still want to see. You can catch up on how they look by browsing their recently added pics and therefore erasing all human contact.
And then to top it off you have people poking you the whole time, and when you ask them why they have no reason. WTF is up with that, and then you have random strangers sending you friend requests?
From my experience, people who do that have some form of impairment that prevents them from going out and making real friends. I don’t have that problem; as a matter of fact I seem to pick up friends like it’s a crazy winter sale at the loony farm.
Now I have threatened to delete my profile and then everyone asked me not to? They couldn’t give me a reason, except that they will miss my online profile… OMG people if you are so keen to find out how I’m doing pickup the GD phone.!!!
That’s it Facebook is going down!!!
I hate facebook!!!! I think it’s absolutely terrible! It’s online dating pretending to a reunion site. And I’ve tried getting into this whole new craze that has all my friends hooked, but alas, I find no joy in it. Yes a couple of people have found me, and I’ve found a couple of people – however I still have nothing to say to them, I mean what can you possible say to someone that you haven’t spoken to in 7 years. You stopped calling them for a reason remember.
The only facebook does for me is it actually takes the need to phone a friend to find out how they are doing away mainly because you can just log in and check their status. And while you’re there, check out what movies they’ve seen, what they thought of them what they still want to see. You can catch up on how they look by browsing their recently added pics and therefore erasing all human contact.
And then to top it off you have people poking you the whole time, and when you ask them why they have no reason. WTF is up with that, and then you have random strangers sending you friend requests?
From my experience, people who do that have some form of impairment that prevents them from going out and making real friends. I don’t have that problem; as a matter of fact I seem to pick up friends like it’s a crazy winter sale at the loony farm.
Now I have threatened to delete my profile and then everyone asked me not to? They couldn’t give me a reason, except that they will miss my online profile… OMG people if you are so keen to find out how I’m doing pickup the GD phone.!!!
That’s it Facebook is going down!!!
Taking yourself off the market…
Taking time after a long relationship is always advised, well after you’ve taken the time to have a rebound relationship that is. But how the time should be spent or how long it should last is always debatable.
There are chicks out there that only need about three weeks to get over the only man they’ll ever love – and then looky there, they meet another man - the only one they’ll ever love.
That seems to be the trend these days, especially in young woman. They’re all looking to get hitched, and as soon as possible too! They don’t care how it looks, what it does, or how it makes her feel they just want marry it. It can treat her like shit, cheat on her and display general dickhead characteristics and yet the second it proposes all is well with the world.
In todays society young woman are expected to have a career, and want to develop it to its full potential, be feminine yet tough, know exactly what she wants out of life and yes – still wanna get married and have babies. A while ago I was having an interesting conversation with an acquaintance of mine regarding this very subject, and she commented that its every little girls dream to dress up in a white dress and get married.
Now this got me thinking, seeing as it really wasn’t one of my little fantasies while growing up. I never sat day dreaming about the day I would say YES!
Yes, I will honour and obey in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer – BLAH BLAH BLAH… I always imagined myself in my own house, with a little gold fish named Marvin sipping some delicious vino, while reading a good book or finishing off a painting. Me not the fish…
I am of the opinion that although girls of today are raised to want a career, they still dress us only in pink and give us dolls and strollers to play with while the boys get Lego and remote control cars. I think that in itself in meant to teach us how to be the one that takes care of the kids.
Which brings me back to my original point; I am of that age now, when everybody wants to know when I’m getting a boyfriend, or when I’m getting married? When people ask me whether I have a special someone and I answer no, they get that sad look on they’re faces.
I am the first to admit that I have some issues to sort out, and well let’s just say that my time after the rebound boyfriend is going on its 3rd year. But for Bob’s sake people I’ve gotten this far n my life without a BF holding my hand. I have loved someone enough to make me cry and I’m sure he won’t be the last. But since when has it become a sin to single?
Who decided this?
There are chicks out there that only need about three weeks to get over the only man they’ll ever love – and then looky there, they meet another man - the only one they’ll ever love.
That seems to be the trend these days, especially in young woman. They’re all looking to get hitched, and as soon as possible too! They don’t care how it looks, what it does, or how it makes her feel they just want marry it. It can treat her like shit, cheat on her and display general dickhead characteristics and yet the second it proposes all is well with the world.
In todays society young woman are expected to have a career, and want to develop it to its full potential, be feminine yet tough, know exactly what she wants out of life and yes – still wanna get married and have babies. A while ago I was having an interesting conversation with an acquaintance of mine regarding this very subject, and she commented that its every little girls dream to dress up in a white dress and get married.
Now this got me thinking, seeing as it really wasn’t one of my little fantasies while growing up. I never sat day dreaming about the day I would say YES!
Yes, I will honour and obey in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer – BLAH BLAH BLAH… I always imagined myself in my own house, with a little gold fish named Marvin sipping some delicious vino, while reading a good book or finishing off a painting. Me not the fish…
I am of the opinion that although girls of today are raised to want a career, they still dress us only in pink and give us dolls and strollers to play with while the boys get Lego and remote control cars. I think that in itself in meant to teach us how to be the one that takes care of the kids.
Which brings me back to my original point; I am of that age now, when everybody wants to know when I’m getting a boyfriend, or when I’m getting married? When people ask me whether I have a special someone and I answer no, they get that sad look on they’re faces.
I am the first to admit that I have some issues to sort out, and well let’s just say that my time after the rebound boyfriend is going on its 3rd year. But for Bob’s sake people I’ve gotten this far n my life without a BF holding my hand. I have loved someone enough to make me cry and I’m sure he won’t be the last. But since when has it become a sin to single?
Who decided this?
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